What’s going on with sex?0
Sex creates joy, hence it’s appeal. Beyond sex, joy is rare. Joy is an experience of the heart which expands beyond the normal senses, into the magnetic body where attraction happens and the governing force is magnetism. In the heart, women are positively charged. This enables them to find joy easily as mothers as well as in the sex act. Men are magnetically negative poles in the heart which is why men can appear like “heartless bastards” to women sometimes and also why, although the kids are great, men tend to need the real bump of sex to experience joy or something monumental like the birth of a child.
This is one of the reasons sex plays a slightly more nagging role in the male than the female and parenthood more in the female. The often overwhelming desire to become a mother has a lot to do with a deep hankering for joy.
When we experience the pleasure of joy, it is such an extreme feeling compared to happiness. It engulfs us and we can easily make the mistake of attributing the feeling to the other, even though it is clearly us that are feeling it.
This is how we “fall” in love, and it is a fall. Love in this sense is unconscious. You must be prepared to fall from consciousness to unconsciousness. From the harsh reality of the cold light of day to the soft delusion of the warm fuzziness of nighttime! Falling in love is the perfect distraction, it is an opportunity to be both unconscious and joyous, simultaneously!
“Every time she sneezes I believe it’s love” Counting Crows
When we “fall in love” we quickly produce a veil of delusion that we mentally drape over the other and it obscures our view of them. For a while, we can say and do the craziest of things that we would never have considered in the normal light of day as we almost involuntarily suspend our rationale.
And the unconsciousness feels fabulous! Nothing wrong with it, it’s totally natural.
Prevented from seeing the real truth though, we project our ideas of the other, onto them. We take what they say to be gospel truth and add that into the equation. We assume the other is experiencing roughly the same as us and we forge an idea of who we think the they are.
This time has become known as the “honeymoon period”, before the truth is out. The untruths that are assumed and even encouraged during this phase can go on to form part of the foundation of a longer term relationship, stored and labelled as, “expectations”.
This is the reason no one encourages rushing into marriage! And the reason so many relationships finish in disappointment. How many times have you heard someone say, “He is not the man I thought he was” or vice versa. In truth, when you look into the eyes of your partner, you fundamentally have no idea who or what you are looking at.
But we have to throw ourselves into the game. We have to learn. If you can not fall in love with another, how can you rise in love with yourself, let alone others? And this is what you must do eventually, rise in love – to the heart. Energy upward rather than down to the sex. This is tantric. A higher life. Supernatural rather than natural.
Observation and understanding of yourself provides the keys to the door, surrender opens the lock and the first room you must be at ease in, is the earth room, the body room, where the boom boom happens.
In the first body, the physical body, the male positive charge culminates in the tip of the penis to deliver the spark of life. The extremity of this experience can be so overwhelming that it can take men so far away from their rational brain that they will say and do almost anything to convince a woman to have sex with him.
This pin-pointed intensity is why men have the reputation of “thinking with their dicks” and if his lyrics are conducive to making her feel comfortable with him, she will give her consent. I’ll tell you a secret guys, women want sex just as much as you – even more sometimes.
You will get the opportunity just as long as you don’t say or do too many things that make her feel uncomfortable! Tips from a former sex addict and Lothario. Ask questions about them, listen to them and respond, make them laugh and then massage!
In truth, at this stage, the less you admit to or deny, share with or lie, the better. Keep it about her, show her you, then let her make her decision, rather than tell her about yourself, what you’ve done and what you’re going to do – unless she asks. When she asks, certainly respond but be carefully selective with your answers and deflect soon, with another question… about her.
The woman, as she receives the man into her, enjoys (or suffers) a much more whole-body response. In loving sex, she becomes an energetic continuation of the penis tip, throwing femininely magnetized energy back to him, sharing her joy. Her giving on this body level is her receptivity. The receiving of the man and his energy. This reveals a paradox of the feminine. She gives by receiving, just as men receive by giving.
This is also her danger. When a woman is conscious she is in a state of receptivity but when she is unconscious, she takes – in an attempt to fill up. This still drains the man although the void by nature can not be filled. We learn to accept the inner void that we can all experience, by facing it.
She is also a danger to herself in the first body as unconsciously chosen partners delivering bad sex can be super-invasive. It can hurt like nothing else.
In contrast, men in the first body, the physical, give. Sometimes what they have to give is a load of crap, but they do give it. When men have nothing to give, no quality attention to spare, they simply go fishing, play with a ball or their own balls, or watch the match. They are not so much of a danger in this respect. This is why men have the reputation of being simpler than women.
Boys, realise that you are giving. Think of the sex act as giving. We tend to try and get what we can from sex but in fact, you are giving. What you are giving, depends on who you are and where you are at. Focus on that. What are you giving and what is the quality of your giving? What is behind it. Who are you? Does she enjoy what you are doing to her, with her and on her, or is she just trying to make you happy? Is what you think she wants and enjoys actually what she wants and enjoys? What’s going on for you during sex? Can you recognize and appreciate the finer qualities of the feminine beyond the tits and ass?
Many of you reading this will go and have sex with your partner tonight and you may notice that even during the actual sex act, you maybe thinking of another woman, a fantasy or another sexual scenario rather than actually being with the woman that you are with.
Firstly, you must be there, both of you. Ladies, help him get out of his dominant mind and into his dick. If you want it, allow it. Encourage him, you have the reigns. When he’s inside you, no drifting off into gagagoogooland. Close your eyes and experience him inwardly, inside with pleasure, but no drifting off.
Guys you are dominant in the first body, you are giving her your sex and watching her to see if she likes what you are giving. Stop watching so much, get out of your fantasy and put your attention on your dick, internally.
Slow down, slow down and then slow down some more. Even stop a lot. Then begin again. There is a time for the white hot flames of pumping passion but you need to stay with the embers of your fire for much longer, for her sake. Remember she is receptive in the first body and she usually requires lighting up through the senses even before she can receive you, and her fire usually needs to be very well attended to, before it can rage.
Ladies, stop acting the way you think men want you to be and be yourselves. You have an easy opportunity to be taken beyond your mind by good wood. Experience it, enjoy it, but don’t hold on too tightly afterwards. Don’t get dick-dazed. Don’t get drunk and trap the penis. Avoid locking him in, this is not the route to satisfaction in life. His penis may have helped you get beyond your emotions and mind for a minute, but you need to learn how to get there by yourself, for yourself, in order to experience real and lasting fulfillment. Like a Queen rather than a princess.
You are dominant again in the emotional body and this is how you control men. You have to take responsibility or you won’t get to hang with the good stuff. Wise men avoid emotionally irresponsible women like the plague!
“A man can overpower a woman physically, but she can make him jump off a cliff!” Kashibashi
In the emotional body we feel both what we receive and the result of what we have accepted – and there is a difference. Guys, pussy is in control, it’s as simple as that. Never, ever think you can not get pussy-whipped. Deny this fact and you’ll be pushing a trolley with a dribbling kid around the supermarket before you can say WTF happened to my life?!
Women can play with your emotions like the Wizard of Oz. You gotta be strong. And strong means allowing yourself to feel your emotions and get used to them. The other strengths you need, you already have naturally, although they can always be improved. Most importantly, women will surely bring emotions up in you and you need to learn to handle them properly to avoid dying in the supermarket queue.
Recognise your emotions, even label them to encourage familiarity, so that you’re really in control of them. Rather than ignoring and repressing them and defaulting to a physical body or mental response to an emotional situation, you need to admit, acknowledge and learn how to handle your emotions and enter the domain with your own confidence.
Sorry ladies, but guys this does not mean I recommend discussing your emotions or entering hours of cathartic pillow-beating with your woman – at least not the one your having sex with. A therapist maybe or a mate, but not your girl. This is her domain and unless she is truly on a path to maturity or a Queen of hearts already, she will abuse you for her own needs. Men are negative poles in the emotional arena and their feelings are often best dealt with internally – for safety reasons.